Well, if anyone thought this month of prayer made me a better person… think again.
I think I may have mentioned before that I have this thing about stressing out during the holidays? Well, last night I was going to make some caramel for caramel apples to bring to a friend’s party tonight, and my first batch failed utterly, and I kind of had a meltdown.
It sounds funnier than it is.
Because really, this is about pride issues. It’s about wanting to look good to people. This whole holiday-freaking-out thing is about wanting people to love me because of what I do for them (and ignore the not-so-great ways I sometimes treat them). Yeah, ignore my rampant issues, friends and family: I made you festive treats! Doesn’t that make it all better?
So obviously God has chosen not to heal me of these particular issues yet, for whatever reason. (Perhaps God is wondering why I’m waiting for an engraved invitation to get over them? But I digress.)
I will tell you one thing: I felt good doing my daily prayer today. I didn’t feel too ashamed to do it. I didn’t put it off and fall off the wagon.
So that’s one thing I did learn this month: God is there, always, on my good days and my bad days.
God wants me to sit in prayer and be genuine, even when it’s ugly.
Because the most important part about my relationship with God is not what I do right or wrong. The most important part is to show up, to stay real, and to keep turning back around when I do wrong, and not take too much credit for what I do right.
Which I also fail at sometimes. But that’s okay too. God’s mercy is new every morning – even every moment. All I have to do is choose to show up.
So that’s what I hope to keep doing.
Here’s to many more days of prayer.
Today’s prayer: In the conference room, thankful for new beginnings even in familiar places.